How to Keep Going: How to Have More Resilience and Grit

By Sonya Looney

As athletes, many of us are well-versed in setting a goal and working towards it. But what happens when we encounter setbacks that might come in the form of injury, illness, or heck- even an ongoing pandemic that keeps pushing back our race goals and events? What happens when we put in months or even years of work and things don't go to plan? The fact of the matter is that our best-laid plans rarely work out perfectly. You can show up to a start line as prepared as possible, but something can go wrong. Or maybe you haven't made it to the start line because of pandemic delays.

Photo @ Sportograf

It's normal to experience frustration, self-doubt, or even wanting to give up when we encounter a reality different from what we imagined. In my research as both a mental performance and health coach as well as a World Champion endurance athlete, I've found that we can train grit, resilience, and optimism. Training mental skills not only keep us working towards our goals in the face of adversity, but they also help us find more fulfillment and joy in the work (regardless of the final outcome).

Let's start by defining grit as per the scientist Anglea Duckworth. Grit is passion, perseverance, and commitment to long term goals. Resilience and grit go hand-in-hand. Resilience is the capacity to bounceback from difficulties. You need to be resilient to persevere and practice grit.. You need resilience to manage the non-linear path of improvement working toward long-term goals. I once heard a metaphor that "grit is the engine that moves us toward our goal. Resilience is the oil that keeps the engine moving."

Both grit and resilience are about consistency and optimism. To be clear, optimism isn't ignoring all the challenges and pretending they aren't happening. Optimism is accepting challenges and moving forward with hope despite challenges. We need optimism to have resilience and keep moving forward.

It is fairly easy to maintain momentum and hope when things are going well. A more crucial question is how do we have more grit, resilience, and optimism when we encounter short and long-term uncertainty and setbacks?

Expect to falter or temporarily fail when working towards a goal. I like to say that a setback is not a divergence of the path, the setback IS the path. Or as stoic author, Ryan Holiday writes, "The obstacle is the way." Our expectations can make or break us. It is defeating to think that something going wrong is proof we should give up or weren't cut out to do that kind of work or hobby. A growth mindset believes that you can work at something to improve, and challenges are something to learn from, not proof you aren't good enough. Expect setbacks and try to figure out what you can learn from them.

Photo @ Sportograf

Acceptance of emotions and reality.  Have you heard, "what we resist persists?" That's the case with emotions and even reality. Sometimes we have to accept how things are right now and gently hold on to hope that they'll eventually improve. Ignoring difficult emotions or situations does not bolster resilience. Embracing impermanence can also be helpful when things really suck (even in the thick of a race!). Allow yourself to accept emotions and realities, but you don't have to personalize them. Saying, "this situation sucks" is really different than saying "I suck."

Start (or continue) where you are. 

Maybe this challenge has changed your energy level or the time you have to work toward your goal. Sometimes we have to reassess our expectations around a goal and slightly alter our action plan. In 2020, that meant having kids at home while trying to work and train for many of us. The shift in priorities and energy might have impacted your progress working towards your goals. Start where you are and give your best for today with what you have, not where you wish you were or what you had in the past.

Challenge your narrative.  In positive psychology, this is called your explanatory style and is a crucial element of training optimism. Our perception defines our reality. How are you describing your beliefs about adversity that happened? Can you challenge your belief about a given situation and develop an alternative that is more productive in helping you move forward?  You can read my primer on self-talk here.

Rethink goal satisfaction.  Is success actually achieving the goal, or is success defined on a process and the person you become through your daily actions? Commitment to long-term goals is fulfilling because through commitment, we experience growth. The growth piece of who we become over time is more fulfilling than actually achieving the goal itself. How can you find contentment or joy in your daily actions, even if the goal didn't happen or got delayed?

Interested in mental performance coaching? Learn more about my programs here and listen to my podcast. I also send a free weekly newsletter about mindset, motivation and performance. You can get on the list here.